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Being your own obstacle

As strange as it sounds, we often end up being our own obstacles on our way to overcoming our issues or achieving our goals. For many of us, this is hard to realize or believe, yet most of us just don’t want to accept this reality. Because we believe that for us to achieve our goals, certainly the other people or your circumstances have to change. Your manager has to appreciate your hard work, your team member has to deliver the work on time, your business partner should treat your share as they would theirs, or your spouse has to understand your needs before you even mention them. 

So when I tell my clients that none of the people or the circumstances around them has to change for them to achieve their goals. And that they have to take full responsibility for their emotions and results in their life, it creates an enormous mental discomfort for them. Because they have two contradicting thoughts in their brains. Their original thought and the new thought I am offering them. When we are offered a new thought that is contradicting with what we believe, our brain is going to create mental discomfort. But we do not like discomfort, we feel unease and we do not want to live in that state. 

If you want to remove that discomfort, you have two options. You either discard the new thought and keep the old one or you move into the new thought and change your attitude. 

Let’s take the example from corporate life and say, for you to be happy and motivated in your job, your manager’s behavior has to change. This is your original thought. The new thought that I am suggesting is that your happiness and motivation has nothing to do with your manager’s behavior. These are totally contradictory thoughts and they absolutely create mental discomfort for you. 

But how to move on? 

Well, you can keep your old thought and not accept the new ones and tie your happiness to other people’s behavior. Or you move into the new thought, change your attitude, and curiously move forward to discover how to create happiness and motivation regardless of your manager or other people. 

Saying goodbye to an old belief or a thought is extremely hard for so many of us. Because we make it mean that we did not believe in the correct thought in the first place or that we have been trying the wrong way for so many years and we feel defeated. However, nobody wants to feel defeated. Instead, many people, for the sake of winning in their past, prefer to keep their old thoughts and beliefs at the cost of creating the next version in their lives. 

This is how you can be your own obstacle in life.

So my friend, when you are offered a new reality, instead of assessing it with your old beliefs, stay curious and check in with yourself if there is an opportunity for you to discover. 

Let me know your thoughts on this in the comment section below.

Have a great day!

Ferruh Tumer

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